


Please, forgive me

by ThatPeskyAloe



Category: Samurai 7 (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Comfort/Angst, Crying, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hugs, Memories, Minor Injuries, Nightmares, Panic, Panic Attacks, Post-Betrayal, Regret, Repressed Memories, Self-Hatred, Sobbing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 10:54:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20388553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatPeskyAloe/pseuds/ThatPeskyAloe
Summary: Heihachi has nightmares, and they're only getting worse. Something has to change.





	Please, forgive me

This was why he didn't sleep often.

Heihachi jolted upright, hands clasped over his mouth to muffle a scream, eyes wide and wet. His breath came in shallow gasps that he didn't take fully. He was shaking, now, with his face buried in his hands and his chest burning with the lack of oxygen his sharp, small breaths took in that he tried to keep quiet. His shirt stuck to his skin, the damp fabric chilling him.

He hated sleeping. To him, it was just a terrifying lottery of whether he'd wake up screaming or not. He always shrugged it of when asked, saying he just wasn't tired, or that he was busy, pacing along floors and paths in an attempt to occupy his mind and stave off tiredness. But in reality, he was afraid of his dreams. They were always the same. The smiling faces of his comrades suddenly ripped away by his own mistakes, replaced with jeers and furious cries of his treachery, his betrayal. They had only grown more bitterly intense since he'd joined the seven.

He sometimes wondered if it was his punishment for replacing them.

The room was large and only one other body was within, but it felt small, stifling, airless. He tried to breathe slowly but found it useless, his still freshly panicked mind refusing to let him calm down. It was still fresh in his mind, his comrades voices echoing in his ears.

_"You traitor, Heihachi!"_

_"You'll kill them too, Heihachi!"_

_"You're a coward, Heihachi!"_

He could still see it. The burning wreckage of the ship he'd sold out, standing there watching the flames licking the sky, numb with shock. The faces of the bodies he found.

_"Traitor!"_

_"Murderer!"_

_"Pathetic!"_

_"Useless!"_

** _"Traitor!"_ **

The room was spinning, and his throat was tight, closed in panic. He curled up, head on his knees and eyes dripping with tears with his hands pressed over his ears as though it would help, gasping out apologies, pleading breathlessly for forgiveness he knew he didn't deserve and keeping his eyes screwed shut in an attempt to stave off the nausea his spinning surroundings were causing. He was half aware of choking on bile, searing his throat as he kept himself from throwing up.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, _I'm sorry_, I didn't know what else to do!" He wheezed. "Forgive me please, please, please, please... I didn't want to die...!"

What few breaths he took were brief, useless. His chest hurt, and he felt dizzy. He could still hear them.

_"You killed us all, Heihachi!"_

_"Traitor!"_

_"Liar!"_

_"Murderer!"_

He couldn't breathe.

His chest burned and his head swam, dizzy and panicked with stirred up memories. He never should have listened when Kambei told him to get some rest.

"Please stop, please, it hurts..." He sobbed, a hand clutching the front of his shirt uselessly. "I'm sorry, please, please, it hurts...!"

It hurt, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt so much-

Then, suddenly, a hand on his shoulder. He choked and almost screamed again, scrambling away and getting his legs tangled in the blankets, a splinter of the wooden flooring lodging home in his hand. He yelped, blinking away fearful tears until he could see, his vision clearing until he saw Goroubeis face, eyebrows raised in surprise.

It hurt his heart to see concern on his face. He didn't deserve any compassion from him.

"Heihachi?" He heard him speak, but he sounded far away and muffled by the blood rushing in his ears. "Are you alright?"

He was still trembling, breathless and gasping as he slumped forward with his weight on his hands. He shook his head in a no, drawing into himself and hunching over with his hands on his knees, wheezing. He was thankful for his intervention in a way; he'd pulled him from his half dream, but now he was lucid with only his own racing thoughts.

He began crying again. He was vaugely aware of Goroubei moving closer, sliding an arm around his shoulders and putting both around him when he thoughtlessly turned into him, body wracked with hiccuping sobs as he buried his face in his chest, knuckles white from gripping the back of his shirt.

"I'm sorry." He choked out, barely managing to cease his crying for a moment. "I woke you."

"It's alright." Goroubei soothed. Heihachi sobbed.

He didn't know how long he stayed like that, barely breathing between pathetic sobs and wails he muffled into Goroubeis shoulder, choking on useless apologies that couldn't reach who they needed to. Goroubei was gracious and patient, rubbing his back and keeping him close until his breathing finally evened out and he could breathe again, eyes blurry and throat burning.

His chest still ached, his eyes burned and his hand throbbed dully. It wasn't nearly the pain he deserved.

He trembled in his lap, sniffling and trying to wipe away his still falling tears from his cheeks. Goroubei said nothing, allowing him enough room to do so but still stroking up and down his back soothingly, slowly lulling him into a tired calm.

"I'm sorry." He murmured into his hands. "I couldn't stay quiet."

"It's alright. I couldn't leave you like that, could I?"

He nearly sobbed again, but bit it back. Goroubei took hold of his wrist and turned up his palm, inspecting the wood lodged there. It was a large splinter, and deep, stickying the area around it with blood. Heihachi flinched as he prodded at it slightly, and again when he carefully pulled it from his hand. He put pressure on it with a thumb and held it like that for some time, in which neither said anything.

"I don't deserve you all." Heihachi said finally.

Goroubei smiled. "Maybe not. But we want you here."

"Why do you trust me? You know what I've done."

"Because I think you're more than that." He let go of his hand, satisfied with how long he'd held pressure on it." And Kambei trusts you."

"Why does he trust me?"

"You'd have to ask him yourself. I'm many things, but not a mind reader."

Heihachi smiled just slightly at the joke, letting Goroubei hold his shoulders as he spoke.

"You are more than what you've done." He assured. "You came looking for redemption, didn't you?"

"Yeah... Yeah. That's what I wanted."

"Then you know you've done wrong. If you were _really_ a bad person, you would feel no remorse."

Heihachi felt... Relieved. Like Goroubeis words had taken a weight from his shoulders. The last of the tightness in his chest left him, the remaining wheeze in his breath abating. He cracked a tiny smile and slowly stood on weak legs, stumbling slightly. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes.

"Thank you." He watched as Goroubei stood as well, supposedly to go back to his own bed. He turned to the door, and heard the hesitation in Goroubeis next step.

"Where are you going?" Goroubei asked.

Heihachi looked over his shoulder as he put on his shoes at the door. "I... Just need some air. Y'know?"

"In that case, let me come with you?"

Heihachi hesitated, and then relented. Being alone with his thoughts wasn't ideal... And Goroubei had calmed him before. He wouldn't mind having him around at the moment, when he needed the comfort.

"Sure."

**Author's Note:**

> I just love torturing my favourites (~￣³￣)~
> 
> I think it was mentioned at some point in anime that Heihachi doesn't sleep much, so I wanted to play with that idea a little. I feel like Heihachi has a lot of unresolved issues tbh.
> 
> I wish this fandom was bigger lmao. Would anyone be interested in a Discord?


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